May 8, 2006 Special Dispatch No. 1159

Iranian Satirist Skewers Ahmadinejad

May 8, 2006
Iran | Special Dispatch No. 1159

On April 30, 2006, expatriate Iranian satirist Ibrahim Nabavi published an open letter to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the on-line daily Rooz ( ). In his piece, Nabavi scorned Ahmadinejad for failing to keep any of his campaign promises and for improper running of the country, and accused him of being the major cause of the deterioration in Iran's international standing.

The following are excerpts from the letter: [1]

Nabavi to Ahmadinejad: "Busy People [Like Yourself] Become Forgetful... So Borrow a Little Notebook From Your Children... And Write Down" Your To-Do List

"...Make a note: One thing that happens with busy people is forgetfulness. They forget what they have to do, and what they had to do, and, consequently, they don't do what they should have done and do what they shouldn't have done.

"Such people should write down what they should do - because if they don't, they begin something and then begin something else because they have forgotten the first thing, and so on [...]

"[Therefore, it would be good thing if,] as president... you were to borrow a little notebook from your children and write down in it what you should do, so you don't forget [...]

"In the six months [since your election], you have changed [Iranian] policy several times, because you didn't write things down. Weren't you supposed to fight the oil mafia? Weren't you supposed to free Iran's economy from the plague of the families [who control] the oil? Weren't you supposed to bring the oil profits to the people? Weren't you supposed to wipe Israel off the face of the earth? Weren't you supposed to propose a new program for U.N. reform? Weren't you supposed to give wedding loans [to young couples]?"

"One Might Think That the Guardian Council Made You President Just to Produce Nuclear Energy"

"If you had a notepad and wrote these things down, the government would have something to do now, and you wouldn't be such a pest about yellowcake and nuclear energy. One might think that the Guardian Council made you president just to produce nuclear energy [...]

"I fear that just as you forgot last week, due to political Alzheimer's, that during the election [campaign] you promised to bring the oil [profits] to the people and then denied you had said any such thing - that in another three months you will announce that Iran intends to nationalize the state's pistachio [industry], and will completely forget that 'nuclear energy is our inalienable right.' And that in another six months you will announce that we were never meant to enrich uranium, and that uranium enrichment was the policy of [former president] Khatami, aimed at harming the Hidden Imam. [2] Please make a note of this."

"You Said That With a Minor Effort... Iran Can Become a Superpower... Did You Mean a Superpower Like China or America?... or Like Kuwait and Afghanistan?"

"[...] You have already said, several times, that we intend to take the running of the world upon ourselves. Three days ago, you said that with a minor effort and within a short time Iran could become a superpower. Did you mean a real superpower, like China or America? Or, when you said superpower, did you mean great powers like England, France, Germany, or Russia? Or perhaps you meant a superpower like Kuwait, Afghanistan, Iraq, or Lebanon? [...]

"My dear friend! I suggest that you devote 10 days of your time to a stay in one of these superpowers, so that you can see what it's like. I suggest that you do this as an ordinary person, not, for example, as a diplomat or a president. Of course, as a very proud Iranian, you certainly must know how Iran can become a superpower.

"This is what must be done:

"A. The superpowers are run by great minds, either because they use their own great minds, or because they bring in other [great] minds. You don't use other minds, and you make thinking minds flee Iran [...] With which minds, then, do you think we can become a superpower?

"B. We can become a superpower without using our mind by using our work force, like the Chinese. But this is difficult. First of all, the country's population must increase 20-fold (and this alone will take at least 150 years) - alternatively, the country needs to increase its territory five-fold [...] So we need at least another 200 years before we can become a superpower.

"C. Do you think that any country can become a superpower with Ahmadinejad as president? I don't want to judge [on this matter], since [the answer] must be clear to you...

"I hope that you manage to make Iran a superpower before it is completely destroyed."


[2] According to Shi'ite Islam, the 12th Imam never died, but went into occlusion, and his return is imminent.

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